This post may absolutely have no beginning, middle, or end in form. As a matter of fact, its most likely going to be just the ranting of a heart feeling lots right now. If there happens to be a conclusion or lesson or something like that at the end, it is completely from the Lord, because as I type this, I have absolutely no idea where I'm going with it.
I've been going thru a difficult time... for months really. I think that's obvious from some of my other posts. And in the last couple of days I have been feeling a bit depressed, discouraged, annoyed...whatever. It is easy to feel guilty about such things. I can always find someone who is worse off than I am. And I have actually had several people say that very thing... not to me, but in regards to how they are feeling about things in their own lives. Certainly, its true - there are the starving, dying people in foreign countries, some of whom I've had the privelege of meeting and touching myself. There are the people losing babies, having their spouses walk out on them, those with loved ones dying, people with life-threatening diseases, the heart-broken, the oppressed, the tortured, the kidnapped... are you depressed yet? I could keep going. I'm sure if you haven't in your mind already, you could add to this list of "awfulness". So, yes, I can always find someone worse off than me. Does that mean I shouldn't feel sad or mad or annoyed or angry or confused EVER in my life? That's impossible. I shouldn't feel guilty for feeling how I feel... on top of the feelings I already feel. Did you catch that?? It's much more about how I choose to deal with those feelings, those pains. Every one of us will experience different pains and hardships on many different levels. We will also deal with blessings and joys, no matter how small they are. The Bible is pretty clear that "there is a time for everything under the sun..."
The reality is that I cannot compare myself to others... my life, my situations. Both on the blessing side or the sorrow side (for lack of better words). I MUST deal with both in a godly manner, one that glorifies Jesus. If I handle my sorrow and pain with guilt for feeling that way, I'm not doing that. If I handle it with selfishness and only focus on me, not caring about anyone else, that isn't either. If I handle my blessing with pride, that does not glorify the Lord either. It is much more about my vertical relationship than all of my horizontal ones put together.
I was looking on my facebook tonight, reading up on a situation going on in a friend's life. An awful, heart-wrenching situation. It's much worse than anything I'm dealing with. But it certainly didn't make me go, "see, she is going thru something even worse than me. Praise God! I'm ok!" And sometimes I think that's kind of what we are saying when we feel guilty about going thru something hard in our own lives. Are we seriously thinking if we find someone worse off than us it will make us feel better... and should?? That's awful. Anyway, I digress. As I was looking at her story, I was thinking of a number of other "stories" (lives). And in a strange, brief moment I was really thankful... because all of the people I was thinking of... well, the strength we all have is each other. And the beautiful thing is that I can go to any one of them and share what's going on in my heart and we can weep together and pray together and look TOGETHER, to the One who we know makes all things new, doesn't leave us or forsake us, and gives us relationships like the ones I have with these women. There is strength in that, and I have such a treasure in the friends I have. Life does NOT get easier, but I can still be thankful... and sad and mad and confused... all at the same time. :)
